I’ve been knocked around pretty hard the past couple of weeks; the Universe’s way of telling me to be still, be silent, heal and gather energy for the coming rush of Spring. So I spent most of last week curled up in bed, often with sinus pressure so agonizing that the only thing I could do was lay quietly, eyes closed, with only my thoughts for company. Although I wouldn’t have said so in the moment, this was a good thing. I was able to connect with some quieter, deeper parts of myself that have really gotten steam-rolled by all the intense energy of answering my Call and starting seminary.
And so, with a paper deadline looming and five days of missed work, in the midnight hours of Good Friday, I lay quietly and tuned in to the whispering of my heart. I surrendered to the movement of Spirit through me, allowing my most sacred and inner of Soul-places to prepare for resurrection.
Upon waking on Saturday, my fever having broken in the night, I was filled with a dearly missed, but deeply familiar, surge of inspirational urgency. I took some sinus drugs, downed some orange juice and dove into the pile of still-unpacked-moving boxes to find some of my music making gear. I coaxed my almost-dead laptop awake, called my digital orchestra to attention and let the music flow.
I spent the day in bliss – composing, napping and hanging out with my love and our zoo. I reveled in the feelings of making music again – something I have not really done in over a year. It is indescribable, this rush of creativity inside that is uniquely me and yet so much more than “I”. It is as if I am wide open. In my mind’s eye, I see my chest and abdomen, the skin translucent, and inside is a golden field, full of sunlight, wildflowers, butterflies and bumblebees. Gentle breezes brush through the tall grasses and this is the music, sweeping through me. Where there was darkness and confusion and clutter and ‘noise’, now is freshness and light and breath. Ah, I’ve missed this so.
So, while I continually reminded myself that I did NOT need to ask forgiveness of the professor who’s assignment I was going to turn in late, or the folks at work who would have to wait until Monday to talk to me, or the dishes in the kitchen that needed to be washed, I spent a beautiful Easter weekend resurrecting and reconnecting with an essential part of myself. In a very real way, these past two weeks have been a cleansing and purging, culminating in the celebration of my renewed self, open and ready to rise up into my divinity, answering every call of my soul.
I have not yet finished the piece of music I’ve been working on all weekend, so I thought I’d share an old piece that fits well here. The piece I am currently working on is called “Oh Rolling River” and is the 2nd piece in my American Plains Suite. The 1st piece in that suite is “Dance of the Prairie Wind” and is as illustrative of what I am currently feeling as is possible. It’s also perfectly appropriate for the day after Easter and the beginning of Spring. Enjoy.